I dreamt about my lola today.
My grandmother died almost two months ago. She was 85. It made sense that she passed away when she did. She lived a long, fruitful life, with 7 kids and 16 grandchildren. I didn't cry when I found out that she had passed. I was just glad she was no longer suffering the pain that had plagued her for years.
It all made sense. I had all my feelings about it figured out, sorted and out away. Boy, was I wrong.
We didn't a;ways get along, she and I. In fact, there was a time that I avoided her entirely. This took effort, as we live (or, rather, LIVED, I should say) in the same house in the family compound. She wasn't always the most pleasant person to be with, to be honest. Many people will agree, and since I was basically the person who spent the most time around her, I knew this very well.She was my grandmother, though, and I loved her just the same, underneath all the issues.
I didn't get to visit her in the hospital befoore she died. I could have, but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to see her, particularly when I learned that she was hooked up to all those machines. I should have been ok with it. We weren't that close anymore really, and it wasn't a shock that she was in there, but I didn't want to see her that way. She was always the proud, headstrong, stubborn lola I had known, and I didn't want to see her any other way, even if those were the things I really hated about her sometimes.
I do regret this. I don't know if she would have recognized me if I did show up, but I regret not showing up for my sake.
My grandmother died almost two months ago. She was 85. It made sense that she passed away when she did. She lived a long, fruitful life, with 7 kids and 16 grandchildren. I didn't cry when I found out that she had passed. I was just glad she was no longer suffering the pain that had plagued her for years.
It all made sense. I had all my feelings about it figured out, sorted and out away. Boy, was I wrong.
We didn't a;ways get along, she and I. In fact, there was a time that I avoided her entirely. This took effort, as we live (or, rather, LIVED, I should say) in the same house in the family compound. She wasn't always the most pleasant person to be with, to be honest. Many people will agree, and since I was basically the person who spent the most time around her, I knew this very well.She was my grandmother, though, and I loved her just the same, underneath all the issues.
I didn't get to visit her in the hospital befoore she died. I could have, but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to see her, particularly when I learned that she was hooked up to all those machines. I should have been ok with it. We weren't that close anymore really, and it wasn't a shock that she was in there, but I didn't want to see her that way. She was always the proud, headstrong, stubborn lola I had known, and I didn't want to see her any other way, even if those were the things I really hated about her sometimes.
I do regret this. I don't know if she would have recognized me if I did show up, but I regret not showing up for my sake.
posted from Bloggeroid
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