We're gonna party like it's 90

I just got back from my Lola's 90th Birthday bash. It was so very large. I think something like 300+ guests were there. It was insane. The party was pretty run-of-the-mill, but what was going on behind it made me stop and take stock of things.

I'm really thankful that my Dad-Lola is 90. My Mom-Lola died last December at just a bit short of 85, so that isn't too shabby either. That isn't the only reason I feel incredibly luky. I have also had the good fortune to see all my aunts and uncles from both sides, all together with their respective siblings. All of them. Bar none. This has never happened before. I'm very happy for each of my families as well.

While Mom's brothers and sisters were all together for Mom-lola's 80th birthday, they have not spent a Christmas together in 25 years. While it is very sad that my Lola wasn't there to be with them, I'm sure it was still something for the rest of them to be together as a family, particularly at that time. I honestly get a little teary-eyed thinking about it. But in a manly way.

It's even more awesome for my Dad's side. Some of the siblings had not seen each other in well over two and a half decades until this evening. There are eleven of them. It was a hell of a reunion, and one that was made even sweeter by the fact that their mom is 90 years old, and still stronger than many 70 year-olds that I know. I have not spent as much time with her as I did with my other Lola, but when she arrived, her first words to me and the manner in which she said them (A deeply, deeply affectionate "Ay, ang aking apo!") were the sweetest I have ever heard from anyone ever. I get teary-eyed at that too, this time in a truly "apo" way.

I haven't really been one for family. Being an only child with a more or less absentee family has made me this way, but after this much time with this much family in such short order, I think I have been wrong to try going solo all this time. Family is important, and I'm so glad I have finally learned that.

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It's gonna be a long day

Just a few hours in, and I already know today is gonna be one of those days.

Number One: I need to get the car fixed. It has been making a grindy sound when I turn, and I suspect some wheel bearings may be shot. This isn't particularly difficult of expensive to repair, but I do have to get the parts myself.

Number Two: I need a shirt. I left most of my clothes in Cebu, and have only (very) slowly started to rebuild my wardrobe. The thing is, I need something a bit better than my usual fare for....

Number Three: My Lola's 90th Birthday. It's this evening, and I of course, have to go. Fortunately, it won't be too swanky, and all I have to do is find a decent long-sleeved button-down, and I should be ok. At least the shindig is just in QC. On a sidenote, I miss my shirts.

Number Four: I'm leaving for Palawan in the morning. There are still a few things I need to take care of for that. I don't have many of the supplies I will need for that. I can't find my sunblock, snorkel, rashguards and some other beach things. Plus, I have to pack.

I realize it isn't such a long list, but the things I have to do require me to focus on those things, and won't allow me to double up (do one thing while another thing is being taken care of). Time to get a move on.

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Just when I thought I had things figured out.

I dreamt about my lola today.

My grandmother died almost two months ago. She was 85. It made sense that she passed away when she did. She lived a long, fruitful life, with 7 kids and 16 grandchildren. I didn't cry when I found out that she had passed. I was just glad she was no longer suffering the pain that had plagued her for years.

It all made sense. I had all my feelings about it figured out, sorted and out away. Boy, was I wrong.

We didn't a;ways get along, she and I. In fact, there was a time that I avoided her entirely. This took effort, as we live (or, rather, LIVED, I should say) in the same house in the family compound. She wasn't always the most pleasant person to be with, to be honest. Many people will agree, and since I was basically the person who spent the most time around her, I knew this very well.She was my grandmother, though, and I loved her just the same, underneath all the issues.

I didn't get to visit her in the hospital befoore she died. I could have, but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to see her, particularly when I learned that she was hooked up to all those machines. I should have been ok with it. We weren't that close anymore really, and it wasn't a shock that she was in there, but I didn't want to see her that way. She was always the proud, headstrong, stubborn lola I had known, and I didn't want to see her any other way, even if those were the things I really hated about her sometimes.

I do regret this. I don't know if she would have recognized me if I did show up, but I regret not showing up for my sake.

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Quiz night: The saga continues.

Having a guest over at quiz night made me see myself and my friends through new eyes last night. The verdict is clear: I am a nerd. This is the conclusion I have arrived at after seeing how I act around the quiz night people (my team and other pals from that circle). Yes, I have passed judgement on myself, but I believe it to be correct and valid, which makes it just that little bit sadder. The thing is, I have tried observing myself in situations with other groups such as the airsoft guys, and my highschool friends, and I tend to be vastly different. I am aware that self-observation in a social context doesn't necessarily yeild the most unbiased results, but little, objective things, like the context of the jokes I crack, the way I carry myself and other little things like that are clear.

I don't mind that I am this way, though it does make me wonder just how much other people change when around different groups of friends. I know one or two people that don't seem to change at all. Granted, the observation isn't really scientific, but from what I can gather, they are pretty much fixed in their behavior.

I would like to believe that there are some things with which I am consistent across different groups of people. I'd like to think I keep my manners about me, for example; but I suppose there has to be room to change according to the company one is currently with. It's nice to see how flexible something as seemingly rigid as personality is. I guess it's one of the things that makes being a person so interesting.


In other news (Hey, that's the title of my blog!) As we were making our way home last night, I ran a red light and got my license confiscated. This is because I have poo-brain when driving around Makati, and so was more concerned about finding a familiar route to Parañaque than worrying about driving safety. I am glad I didn't have an accident, and even more glad that the traffic cop who caught my negligent ass was a really nice guy. Mitzi, you are right, driving in the south is measurably nicer than doing so in the north. I just gotta watch out for those traffic lights.

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Well, I wasn't expecting that.

Life has a way of catching people off-guard, and when it does, the results are not often pleasant. Thanks for the curveball, universe. Really, you shouldn't have. Really.

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It all works out in the end

To my friend, who has recently been shaken, beaten then turned upside-down and inside-out by the various things happening in places where they seem like they shouldn't happen: You are still standing, and you will stay that way unless you choose to let things take you down. You are strong. I know you know this, but it bears repeating, and I hope hearing it from someone who believes it helps. If it gets to be more than you can bear alone, drop me a line. We only children have to stick together.

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The brotherhood of the travelling fats

I just received word from a good friend and cousin, Taks, that I have been invited to tag along with him to Palawan for work, in order to keep him company. This is awesomesauce. I have not been to Palawan, and I have long wanted to go. There is a little problem. I have gotten a little chunkier than I would like over the Christmas break. Now, I haven't totally let myself go. I am still well within the healthy BMI range, and I still have my agility, but I'm not completely cool with the extra few pounds.

So begins the great belly purge of 2012. I've gotten the running going, along with the cycling and core training. On top of this, there will be calorie restriction. This is the part I am looking forward to the least, but you gotta do what you gotta do. There will be so much tea involved in this.

Now, I know this isn't the best way to go about it, but, as with everything else I have ever started and made stick, this needs a solid kick to get going. Let's hope it doesn't backfire or anything. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? HAHAHA.

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I came back for the music, man.

I haven't really listened to or played music in an unusally long time. There really wasn't a point, or maybe I just didn't have the drive to do so. So I picked up a guitar again with the express desire to play like I used to, and man, is it hard. Things I used to know and things I used to do have slipped, and I don't really have them anymore. All that time spent getting out of that rut I was in has caused so many things to sowly erode. I'm thankful it didn't get to the point where irreversible damage was done, or really important things were lost.

I think this is an important part of getting back in gear; reclaiming things that I had lost. I know there's more to it than that. Maybe I'm in there somewhere amidst the rubble of broken things that got left behind. It's nice though, digging around, looking for things like that. There are aways nice little surprises you find; memories, feeings, ideas dusted over from the passing of time. What's really great, though, is the fact that I'm still here, bruised and scarred, but more or less intact, so rebuild. I did come back for the music, but I hope to leave with much more than just that.

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Hey

It's gonna be OK. Everything works out in the end. You just can't skip to the credits, that's all.

Because there really isn't anything to do at this hour.

It's nice to have gotten warmed up to the whole blogging thing. Having an actual, physical keyboard has done a lot to make the process a lot smoother, though next on the shopping list has got to be an actual PC. Android is awesome in so many ways, but I do miss having multiple windows open to do more stuff all at once. On the bright side, I guess this is teaching me to focus, which is something I haven't always been very good at.

Tomorrow, there will be airsoft. It's going to mess with the jogging a bit, but I get to run AND shoot guns at people, so I guess it works out ok. It'll be nice to let out a little pent-up rage tomorrow, weather permitting.

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Blast from the past

I have been digging through old articles I wrote in my time as a journalist, and I came across one piece I came up with in 2007, talking about the things that would maybe be big in the next year:

"Twitter

Admit it. You've tried blogging at one point or another. It's ok, so have we. And just like you, we found it fun, at least for a while. But there are times when what we want to write about are really interesting but just too short to be worth the trouble of logging in to the blog site, and going through the whole process of actually making an entry. So for those who want to blog on the go, without all the fuss of regular blogging, there's twitter. Think of it as microblogging. You can create posts the old fashioned way, or through Instant messaging and even SMS. Updates are then sent to those people who are subscribed to see all your new posts. Messages are limited to a short 140 characters, and only work with text(no images) but it's probably the easiest way to blog and stay connected to a whole world of users, hands down. Got just a few minutes between a stressful string of deadlines? Forget blogging, give a little twitter and see how far it goes."

 Yup. I called Twitter.

Some other things were a little off (Sugar-powered fuel cells for mobile devices), but it's nice to see that I got something right.

Being human is a pretty complicated business

(These are thernaway thoughts that have been building since that night I spent watchng the new year come around)

I mean, really. There's so much you have to deal with as a person n your own, PLUS there are the added complications brought about by other people who havent figured their OWN shit out. As a bonus, everyone gets just one lifetime to get things down pat.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I like existing, and I'm not complaining. I have a relatively comfortable life. I have friends that love me and a family that loves me even more, inspite of myself. I just feel the need to put these thoughts into words for fear that they stay inside and fester into something far more harmful that a wordy rant. The absurdity of it all has to be let out, because people have to realilze; I have to realize, that I can't possibly be the only one who feels this way.

Some people have it all figured out, or at least it seems this way. Whether it is because of themselves, their god or their firm conviction that everything worksout in the end, only they wil know. I think these people are pretty cool, and I hope to have that faith in Everything, too, but for now, what I have going for me is that desire to take control of things. That seems like a pretty good place to start. So here's to hoping, taking charge, and making things happen.

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Yeah, about that.

Along with the getting older and because of the particularly large crowd that ended up populating the house last Christmas thanks to all of my aunts and uncles coming home, I have found, much to my horror, that I have put on some pounds. This is unusual. I have never really had that happen to me in the past. Maybe it has to do with the funk that I have only recently pulled myself out of, but I now weigh in at close to 140 pounds. This isn't fat or anything, at least not yet. If BMI is still something to go by, I'm still apparently within the ideal weight bracket, but at this rate, I will technically be fat before too long.

It is time to get fit. The bike has gotten dusty, and my running shoes need a good workout. Too, so I think maybe it is time to schedule morning runs again. Mark my words, I will start hitting the pavement again. AND I WILL START IN THE MORNING! This will also give me back the edge I used to have in airsoft. I have been skipping games due to a knee problem, but now that that's ok, I no longer have a legit excuse to not play. When last I did play,however, I felt really slow, like syrup making its way down a stack of pancakes. Interestingly enough, I also felt like eating a stack of pancakes that day, right after the game. What the hell is wrong with me?

So yes. Getting back into shape is one of the big things I need to take care of this year. This goal will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.

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Finally. An actual keyboard, and other news.

Allow me to start with a small confession: I have noot been making any posts because it is exceedingly difficult to do so without a computer. The previous posts I have managed to squeak out have been thruogh my tablet and iPhone. As you may imagine, making lengthy posts using virtual keyboards is not the most pleasant thing in the world. Add this to the already difficult act (for me) of coming up with posts in the first place, and you have the pefect storm for non-posting.
Fortunately, I have just received a bluetooth keyboard from my uncle. This is great, as apart from having a new toy to fiddle around with, I can make posts. With a little more ease, even without a relacement pc.

Unfortunately, the reason my uncle donated said keyboard to me is that he had gotten so fed up with it, he no longer wanted to own the damn thing. I can totally see why. But anyway, this is what I have, so this is what I will use.

On to the meat of this post. I haven't really picked out a solid topic to write about, and right now, I am still just warming up after not having written anything for a good amount of time, so maybe I should start with something light. Music. This wll be rather self-indulgent, so feel free to look away now.

Since my discovery of the wonderful world of music late in my childhood (it was probably late gradeschool that I started making conscious, informed decisions as to the music I listened to), I have been into music in a very big way. I have loads and loads of albums in my library, I learned to play musical instruments, took voice lessons and even joined a band. While I was working, I was given the chance to start a whole new section devoted to music in the magazine I was writing for at the time. I constantly have music playing (though admittedly, it is sometimes just in my head) and I can usually name tunes in a few short bars. I know my share of obscure bands and songs, and I'm always happy to share all of it.

I noticed something recently though. I hadn't listened to anything new in a pretty long time. Upon trying to figure out exactly when this started, I was startled to find that I had no clear idea. It just sort of stopped happening. I then tried to recall the last time I hadpicked up a guitar, and I couldn't remember that either. It was just like everything stopped. I wasn't even listening to music anymore. What music I did have on my person was a confused mix of unrelated drivel that accumulated on my music players throughout the years, and this terrified me.

Let me get something straight. It wasn't the disappearance of music that got me worried; not exactly. It was more that I don't remember missing it. Something that was such a big part of who I was (or who I believed I was) just up and left. It is a combination of suddenly being aware that it could happen, and not noticing that it had already happened that I found so unsettling. And if it could happen to that, it could happen to anything and anyone in my life. This is a sobering thing to realize. Maybe it happened when I broke. Maybe that was me trying to keep everthing that was I could, but seeing as there wasn't much space, some things had to be dropped.

There comes a point though, or at least there should come a point, that all this,I dunno, extended melancholy, has to pass and you have to get moving again. So as I write this, I'm listening to some new music, trying to get that lost part back. The music going away might not have been the disease, I realize. Like the canary in the mine, it serves as a warning that something may be wrong,and you gotta take a look around real quick before you croak, yourself.

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Just testing new settings.

Hello? Is this thing on?

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